No Time Like the ‘Present’ – Children Arrangements during Christmas

The festive period always comes round quicker than we expect. It is also a busy time of year, with both children and adults’ diaries quickly filling up with festive events. It is also an extremely emotive topic. We all want to spend as much time with the children as possible and be part of the ‘magic’.

It is therefore important to start the discussions as soon as possible. This is so that you can identify whether an agreement is likely to be reached between you both, or whether you may need third party intervention from a mediator, or instructing the help of a solicitor, to negotiate on your behalf.

If an agreement really cannot be reached, court proceedings may be required and, with court backlogs as they currently stand, there is no guarantee any application will be considered before Christmas.

Before you start negotiations, it is important to complete the groundwork. Identify what is most important to you. Is it spending time with the children on Christmas eve, or rather Christmas day? Do you or the children have plans with the wider family that you would like to be taken into consideration? Is travelling going to be an issue?

There is no one size fits all for every family, and ultimately it is a personal choice on what is best for the children in the circumstances of each case. However, one thing is certain. You must be prepared to be flexible. Inevitably you will both have things that you will want to achieve and not everything may be possible.

Christmas periods for separated families can be difficult, not only for the adults involved, but more importantly, the children.

Christmas is likely to look different to what it did last year, and it is therefore important that the children feel involved in the plans as soon as possible so that they can come to terms with what Christmas will look like this year.

Older children are likely to have more of an opinion on where they would like to spend their time and, whilst that is not necessarily determinative, it should certainly be a factor that you consider.

Once you have both identified a plan, it is important that you inform the children as soon as possible. Communication is key. The sooner the children have the time to digest the plans, the more comfortable they will feel when the time arrives. Irrespective of your own personal feelings towards the final plan, it is important that a positive approach is made for the children. Change can be exciting and is an opportunity to start new traditions.

Children feel safe and secure when they know the plan. Therefore, don’t be afraid to think outside the box. You could create a visual calendar for the children to refer to, setting out where they will be during the festive period.

There is no doubt that these discussions can be difficult and emotional. The idea of spending any time over the Christmas period without the children is not an easy one to consider for any parent. However, when negotiating, be honest with yourself as to whether the proposal you are making is fair on the other parent. We recommend asking yourself if you would find your suggestions being made acceptable if the tables were turned.

Once you have agreed what will happen, put the agreement in writing in either an email or letter. This will ensure that you have covered all areas and prevent any future misunderstandings.

Generally, Christmas arrangements are alternated each year. Some spend Christmas Eve and the first part of Christmas morning with one parent, going to the other parent for the remainder of the day and Christmas night. New Years Eve and New Years Day can also be taken into consideration in any agreement. However, there is no one size fits all.